While I’m still technically on vacation, the travel portion is over and done with. Here are the highlights from our trip away.
Saturday morning: My daughter, Lisa and I all got up early to trek to the airport. People say you should be at the airport an hour and a half before departure time to allow for security delays, but I’ve found that when you travel with a small child everyone cuts you a lot of slack.
I once got to the airport 40 minutes before our plane was scheduled to take off. Security whisked my daughter and I through so fast that I was able to stop at Starbucks before we proceeded to the gate. When we got to the desk the attendant said, “You must be Matthew.” I asked how she knew that, and she said we were the last passengers to board. Showing up late cuts out a lot of needless standing around.
We weren’t quite so efficient this time, but it wasn’t bad. My daughter wanted to sit next to Lisa, and thank God I had a spare set of iPod headphones. We set her up with the Cartoon Network on the seat-back television, and except for obliviously singing at the top of her lungs, she was pretty chill all the way to Charlotte.
My parents met us at the airport. This was the first time Lisa had met them, and I handled it with my usual lack of aplomb. ”Mom, this is my girlfriend Lisa.” Geez, I immediately felt like the dumbest motherfucker on the planet, but what else is new?
After a long lunch with my sister and her husband and her baby we packed into the car and drove to my parents’ house in the middle of nowhere.
Sunday: My sister et al. showed up for a pleasant afternoon of scorching heat and fun baby time. My parents have told me how big my sister’s baby is, and I was expecting a pink-clad cinder block, but when I picked her up she didn’t weigh anything. That’s what happens when you lug a five year-old up three flights of stairs two or three times a week.
They also told me what a handful she was. Doesn’t want to lay down, wants you to stand up when you hold her. All bullshit. I gave her a bottle and put her in the playpen-bassinet. A few strokes on her cheek and she was as happy as a clam. Babies are like dogs: they can smell fear. Once they think they have an angle on you they work it to death. The thing is: they’re fucking babies. You can outsmart them pretty much all the time.
Tuesday: My sister invited Lisa and I to go out to Charlotte for a night on the town. We settled on a bar that had bowling lanes and pool tables. We drank some beers and ate some decent bar food (the pizza was good from what I heard), and then played a few rounds of pool. We decided to have a nightcap at what we thought was a bar, but which turned out to be nightclub. Aside from the scantily-clad girls selling shots there was a guy wearing a full Gene Simmons costume. We all felt incredibly old.
Back at my sister’s house Lisa and I faced a dilemma: ether drive an hour back to my parents’ house or sit on an incredibly comfortable leather couch watching Apocalypse Now Redux on a 52-inch HD television. Let me tell ya, that movie looked so good we weren’t going anywhere.
Wednesday: Lisa and I took my daughter to a playground. We figured it would be a good way for her to burn up some energy. Unfortunately, there were a bunch of kids playing there. My daughter doesn’t like playing with kids she doesn’t know, so she spent most of her time milling around waiting for the kids to leave the jungle gym. She only would play on it if no other kids were on it. Eventually she got too hot in the sun and wanted to go home.
We all went home and sat in the inflatable pool that my dad had bought a couple years ago. It turned my parents’ house in the middle of the country into a beach house. We were all dripping wet, doddering around wrapped in beach towels and trying not to track dead grass on the hardwood floors. Those little pools are pretty cool, although I spent a good half-hour trying to get all of the dead bugs out it.
Overview: All in all it was my typical vacation. I usually drag my daughter down to the Carolinas to get some face time with the grandparents and my sister. The wild-card this time was Lisa. Usually when you meet someone’s parents it’s a quick sortie. ”Hello, how do you do, goodbye.” I’ve never heard of a five-day introduction, but that’s what this turned out to be. I tip my hat to her for handling a pressure-filled situation with such grace. And I promise that our next vacation together will be to Tahiti. No kids (or parents) allowed.
